S1,E3: We're All Worked Up

I gave Siri a good try. I did. And Alexa was ok, but…. Those gals just didn’t work out for me.

I need someone I can relate to and my new Midwest Assistant understands me. Literally, Carol understands everything I say. I can ask for a hotdish recipe with a “cream of” soup and BAM - she makes one dish Wednesday happen faster than a 35W black ice fender bender.

And if I ask “Hey Carol, what’s the wind chill?” she doesn’t miss a beat. Siri would be like (in Siri voice) “the windshield is a tempered pane of glass at the front of a vehicle that protects the driver and passengers from blah blah blah blah.”

And Alexa would get flustered and ask ME, “is the wind chill the same as the temperature?” Ugh.

But Carol’s like “Oh sure! Right now the windchill is negative 14 so wear all your warm gear, but by the afternoon commute it’ll warm up and you can probably just wear your loafers home.”

Midwest Assistant has made my life so much easier. Thanks Carol!

[Sounds of waves and birds in the background]

Imagine an expanse of aqua waves rushing toward a beach with the softest of sand and greenest of palms. Tourists and residents alike enjoy a laid-back lifestyle. They can get their fill of vitamin D, indulge in a shaved ice, and take a dip in the Pacific every day of the year.

This is Hale’iwa on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii, where sunshine is abundant and the water is always warm. We do not have that here.

Our North Shore is quite different, yes, but no less idyllic. From the historic port city of Duluth to the Grand Portage reservation and community, one of Minnesota’s main waterfront destinations (no offense to Lake Minnetonka) is the north shore of Lake Superior - 150 miles of rustic lodges, antique shops, art galleries, and national parks. Summer is full of camping, fishing, hiking, canoeing and skipping rocks amidst wild streams, forests of birches and pines, and bright clusters of lupine blooms. Winter is for skiing and…. Drinking hot cocoa with a little Bailey’s.

Lake Superior is often referred to as "Gitche Gumee," as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in The Song of Hiawatha. This stemmed from its real name of Gitchigami, Ojibwe for “great sea.” It is the world’s largest freshwater lake by surface area, so its ultramarine waves are as soothing as the ocean’s. Now, the surface temperature usually tops out at 55 degrees Fahrenheit, a full 20 degrees colder than Hale’iwa’s coldest average sea temperature, but if you do opt for a brisk swim, you won’t suffer from salty seawater eyes. And because its beaches tend to be more rocky than sandy, you don’t have the problem of getting sand literally - and I mean literally - everywhere.

After your swim, warm yourself like a lizard on those sunny rocks and you’ve got yourself an invigorating and relaxing afternoon without having to buy an expensive plane ticket and fly 8+ hours. In fact, even from the southern MN town of Fairmont, you can make it to the Great Sea in half that and spend the rest of the day not adjusting to a five-hour time difference.

So cover up that beach bod and strap on yer waders! The North Shore of Gitchigami is your next mainland destination.

You’re welcome.

Love,

MN

[Sounds of kids running playing outside]

[Old man speaking]

Look at them kids. Running around, making noise, and shooting their squirt thingies at each other.

Having fun, I guess.

Back in my day, fun was waking up at 6 instead of 5. Getting a new pair of shoes. Maybe catching a peek of Mrs. Johnson getting ready for her nightly bath. Hmm, Mrs. Sally Johnson.

Uhhh, these kids have it too good. That aint’ fun. It’s, it’s, tomfoolery is what it is.

Bah, I need a drink and a nap.

Ice Mountain – Water for everyone.

A Twin Cities cemetery has recently become the home of a doe named Fern, named by area experts who have determined that she is in good health and seems to be enjoying her relatively quiet city life among our dearly departed. Fern is often spotted nibbling grasses or bedded down among the lilac bushes, and sometimes strolling beside the fence, judging your parallel parking skills. It is thought that her travels brought her there via one of the many trails that grace our otherwise bustling town, although it’s unclear why she decided to make that journey. One theory is that she is in the deer witness protection program. Another holds that she was nominated by her woodland brethren to research human burial and mourning habits in comparison to the ideology of their kind. She is able to leave the cemetery but appears to be committed to her quest.

Should you encounter Fern, please do not feed or try to interact with her, so as not to distract from her deerly ways and from possibly being a spy. Just delight in knowing that somewhere in Minneapolis, there’s a deer who has chosen to become a companion for some very lucky passed loved-ones, signifying some kind of synergy between the wilderness and the city, and between nature and humans.